I kind of wish I chose to live in Kennesaw in the fall.
I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it a year (at least a year) living at home with my parents.
I'm going to have no life, no friends, my same shitty job, and I'll be watching my dad die every single day rather than 3 days a week.
I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
It would be awesome if the past week of my life just wouldn't have happened.
Panic attacks are no fun and feeling the anxiety afterwards sucks too. I'm pretty much just sitting around waiting to have another panic attack...I hate living my life like this. Now is not the time for all of this!! Ugh.
More than anything, just pray for me to get better. I've never felt so sick/not normal in my life. I really don't like it.
I guess people are right when they says stress can mess with your body...In my case, stress is messing with my body real bad, and it's not funny.
Panic attacks are no fun and feeling the anxiety afterwards sucks too. I'm pretty much just sitting around waiting to have another panic attack...I hate living my life like this. Now is not the time for all of this!! Ugh.
More than anything, just pray for me to get better. I've never felt so sick/not normal in my life. I really don't like it.
I guess people are right when they says stress can mess with your body...In my case, stress is messing with my body real bad, and it's not funny.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
As I sit here writing this post, I have just finished watching my wedding video for about the zillionth time. No matter how many times I've seen it, my mom reading my dad's speech always gets me.
On July 18, 2010 Levi & I got engaged.
On July 20, 2010 I found out that my dad was dying.
Lou Gehrig's disease. Those 3 words hold more evil than anything I have ever heard, read, seen.
I've had almost a year to accept all of this, yet none of it has gotten any easier. I just can't seem to grasp why this had to happen to our family, and even more so why this had to happen to my dad. He is the kindest, gentlest person I have ever met in my entire life and as cliche as it sounds he truly is the greatest dad a girl could have. I don't know many people that have good relationships with their father's or love them as much as I love mine. How many (married) 20 year old's would decide to move home to spend more time with their dying father and to not leave their mother alone? I'm pretty sure I'm one of the few, if any.
I wish I could say that I had a good support system other than my mother, but I don't. No one gets the severity of it. No matter how many times I tell people, they don't understand that it's terminal, that my dad is dying. They just say "When will he get better," or "well if you pray things will change." No, things will not change because no doctor or scientist has found anything to help ALS patients like my father.
I could think of a million and one people that this disease should have destroyed rather than my dad. Even then, I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy.
Almost a year after finding out and I still don't know how to deal with this. How to handle myself.
What am I gonna do without my daddy?
On July 18, 2010 Levi & I got engaged.
On July 20, 2010 I found out that my dad was dying.
Lou Gehrig's disease. Those 3 words hold more evil than anything I have ever heard, read, seen.
I've had almost a year to accept all of this, yet none of it has gotten any easier. I just can't seem to grasp why this had to happen to our family, and even more so why this had to happen to my dad. He is the kindest, gentlest person I have ever met in my entire life and as cliche as it sounds he truly is the greatest dad a girl could have. I don't know many people that have good relationships with their father's or love them as much as I love mine. How many (married) 20 year old's would decide to move home to spend more time with their dying father and to not leave their mother alone? I'm pretty sure I'm one of the few, if any.
I wish I could say that I had a good support system other than my mother, but I don't. No one gets the severity of it. No matter how many times I tell people, they don't understand that it's terminal, that my dad is dying. They just say "When will he get better," or "well if you pray things will change." No, things will not change because no doctor or scientist has found anything to help ALS patients like my father.
I could think of a million and one people that this disease should have destroyed rather than my dad. Even then, I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy.
Almost a year after finding out and I still don't know how to deal with this. How to handle myself.
What am I gonna do without my daddy?
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