As I sit here writing this post, I have just finished watching my wedding video for about the zillionth time. No matter how many times I've seen it, my mom reading my dad's speech always gets me.

On July 18, 2010 Levi & I got engaged.

On July 20, 2010 I found out that my dad was dying.

Lou Gehrig's disease. Those 3 words hold more evil than anything I have ever heard, read, seen.

I've had almost a year to accept all of this, yet none of it has gotten any easier. I just can't seem to grasp why this had to happen to our family, and even more so why this had to happen to my dad. He is the kindest, gentlest person I have ever met in my entire life and as cliche as it sounds he truly is the greatest dad a girl could have. I don't know many people that have good relationships with their father's or love them as much as I love mine. How many (married) 20 year old's would decide to move home to spend more time with their dying father and to not leave their mother alone? I'm pretty sure I'm one of the few, if any.

I wish I could say that I had a good support system other than my mother, but I don't. No one gets the severity of it. No matter how many times I tell people, they don't understand that it's terminal, that my dad is dying. They just say "When will he get better," or "well if you pray things will change." No, things will not change because no doctor or scientist has found anything to help ALS patients like my father.

I could think of a million and one people that this disease should have destroyed rather than my dad. Even then, I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy.

Almost a year after finding out and I still don't know how to deal with this. How to handle myself.

What am I gonna do without my daddy?

Well, here it is...my first blog post. I haven't been a part of the blogging world since having a xanga was the cool thing to do back in like oh...6th grade. Let's see how having one of these things works out.